And Also...Bacon

 

Last week I attended a free library event on 'Making A Will'. Yes, it is a topic we would rather not think about, but as someone or other once said, “None of us are getting out of this alive.”

I didn’t know that this November was “Make a Will” month in Ontario and the Ontario Bar Association was offering free seminars at many libraries across the province.

The lawyer told us that a staggering 60% of Canadians do not have a will. There are provisions in the law for people who die intestate (without a will), with a line of succession (spouse, kids, siblings etc.) of who will inherit your assets, assuming you have some.

The ideal situation would be to live long enough that you’ve spent most of what you saved for your later years. But who has that kind of crystal ball?

This post is not about will-making or definitions or anything like that because I am not a lawyer.

I am like most of you: perplexed by legalities, would rather avoid them, yet know that I don’t want to leave a mess for my child, siblings or loved ones to deal with. I do have an online will, but I thought perhaps it’s time to re-visit that.

Several years ago, I read a memoir, THEY LEFT US EVERYTHING, by local Oakville author Plum Johnson. Johnson and her siblings are left to deal with mountains of stuff left behind by their parents in a huge mansion (the family was wealthy) on the lake. Their grief is mixed with revelations about their parents while sifting through their possessions. She finds that her initial horror at having to painstakingly assess each item, eventually turns to gratitude for the gift of discovering who her parents were. 

But not all children would appreciate that kind of gift, and I do not believe I would want my daughter poring through my stack of journals, rolling her eyes heavenwards.

Besides having a will, there’s Power of Attorney for property and Power of Attorney for personal care. You don’t need a lawyer for these (or for a will for that matter); you can download a free kit for Power of Attorney from the Ontario government website here. So much to consider! Even more so for parents of young children or those who have special-needs dependents.

But apart from how your possessions and assets will be handled, these considerations also give rise to the ever-lurking questions when you contemplate your departure. What will your legacy be? What intangibles will you leave behind? To what do you want to continue to give your time and energy? As Mary Oliver asked: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

I don’t want to get all philosophical and gloomy here. There’s enough gloom going around. In fact, right outside my window, because that’s just how November is in Ontario.  I’m not a fan of platitudes that try to cajole us into “living our best life.” What the heck is our best life and how do we know when we’ve arrived? In any case, it’s all temporary. You can be living your ‘best life’ and it can be snatched away in an instant. Accidents, illness diagnoses, job losses, any loss, will do that. And I remain unconvinced that setting ‘goals’ is the answer. They can be too restrictive and can create anxiety. They may be fine for younger people, setting out on their careers, wanting to make their place in the world. But goals come with strings attached; fixed steps to get there; anxiety when progress is slow. And maybe your bar was set too low. You get there only to find you hemmed yourself in along the way.

At this stage, rough, abstract ideas and dreams over concrete goals seem more desirable to me.  Meaningful and varied experiences over accumulation (those possessions that someone will have to deal with when you’re gone). Irreverence over taking oneself too seriously.

Perhaps the last word should go to Nora Ephron, who, terminally ill, famously wrote two lists: things she would miss after she died, and things she would not.

“The thing I’m going to miss after I’m dead, is bacon.” (Nora Ephron).

That’s irreverence. And also…Bacon!!