Future Self

 

We think our lives are made up of the big moments, when in reality they consist of many small ones.

I was recently reminded of this by two things: a) a discussion topic with Ageless Possibilities group on the magic of every day and b) this passage from the book PERFECT by Rachel Joyce:

“…it is these, he realizes, these smallnesses, that make up the big things. Besides, the big things in life do not present themselves as such. They come in the quiet, ordinary moments – a phone call, a letter – they come when we are not looking, without clues, without warning, and that is why they floor us. And it can take a lifetime, a life of many years, to accept the incongruity of things: that a small moment can sit side by side with a big one, and become part of the same.”

Many of us can remember those big moments that came quietly and floored us. A phone call announcing a death, a medical diagnosis, an illness, a job loss.

The big moments that are carefully planned (weddings, milestone anniversary or birthday parties, a birth, a graduation), these come with the anticipation of celebration and being commemorated.

But the unplanned big moments, these drop onto you suddenly, unexpectedly, perhaps whilst you are doing something ordinary – washing dishes, doing the laundry, getting dinner ready – and wham, in a moment, your life can take a turn.

How do we handle these big, unsettling moments? We may think we are unprepared, but perhaps it is all the small things we have been doing throughout our lives, all the decisions and choices we make, that are our preparation. We prepare for who we will be in the future, with the choices we make today.

One can’t escape the constant encouragement to live ‘in the present moment’. It’s a very zen-like sentiment, which undoubtedly comes with its rewards. But there’s also something to be said for making choices based on who you want your future self to be, rather than squandering decisions to cater solely to who we are today.

What would this look like on an everyday basis with small moments, small choices?

Do I see my future self as a writer? Then, am I making the choice to write as a practice rather than when the muse strikes? (She is extremely unreliable). Or do I give in to today’s pleasures of Netflix, easily convincing myself I deserve it? (Frequently guilty).

Do I see my future self as resilient, reliable, independent? Then, am I making choices to boldly pursue my interests, independently, rather than relying on others to propel me?

Do I see my future self as a good citizen, surrounded by a circle of good people? Then, am I making conscious, ethical choices and fostering good relationships and friendships? Or am I frittering away precious time and resources on ‘feel-good-for-the-moment’ experiences?

Do I see my future self as informed, kind, curious, engaged with the world, the arts?

You get the idea. All the small choices I make today, whether it be to choose what to pursue, challenge myself out of my comfort zone, engage with a variety of people who may not look/think like me, will contribute to who my future self will be.

Am I being thoughtful, considerate and attentive to my future self with the choices and decisions I am making today?

So that when those big moments arrive, whether they be joyous or unsettling (and there will be both), I have prepared myself by cultivating strength, adaptability, courage and open-mindedness and have built up confidence in my ability to cope with the unknown.

Who I am today will never be exactly who I am tomorrow, but who I will be tomorrow depends largely on what I do today.

 

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PERFECT by Rachel Joyce is a dual timeline novel that delves deep into character.

What happens when ordinary lives are upended by one small event? 

How does a person continue? What emotional truths emerge? How does one deal with sadness?

 

Byron watches his proper, pulled-together mother slowly unravel after one terrible moment that happens accidentally, and then his own world starts to come apart.

 

The book is full of beautiful passages as well as the one quoted above:

 

“We don’t know what to do with sadness. That’s the problem. We want to put it out of the way and we can’t.”

 

“People tried to tame themselves within walls and windows, and they tried to find knickknacks to make the walls and windows their own, when maybe what they needed was to be free of those constraints.”

 

“.. this is another part of being normal, that you have to carry several things in your mind at once, even when they do not feel right together.”