Hello October

 

Hello October.

Fall is the season of change, of letting go.

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This past week I had lunch with a friend who recently left a job where she was overworked and underpaid. She is close to me in age stuck it out in this job for a few years. But, as she just acknowledged to herself and me, she allowed the situation, allowed them to take advantage of her, didn’t stand up enough, and got sucked into believing she was indispensable, giving her ego a boost, but not her paycheck.

As with so many conversations I have with older women these days, at this stage in life, we increasingly ask ourselves if this is how we want to spend our days. And these questions often bring a shift, a change, a movement towards that which fills our heart with joy. Sometimes the questions don’t have easy answers as we delve into why we remain in a situation, be it a job or partnership or friendship or living situation.

 The obvious answer may not be the true answer; the obvious answer may be one that we have been telling ourselves for months or years. But the truer answer requires further digging to uncover.

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I’ve just finished reading DARE TO TRAVEL SOLO by KATHERINE LEAMY, where she ventures out with only a small backpack on her first solo trip, a month-long journey at the age of 49, to Croatia and Italy, leaving behind her husband and teenage kids in New Zealand. Along the way, amidst moments of panic and anxiety but also pure joy, she questions herself, her reasons and motives for travelling solo.

It’s no secret that I have a soft spot for solo travel by older women and for travel memoirs (having written one yet to make its way out into the world).  I enjoyed going along on Katherine’s journey, recognizing some of the places (Cinque Terre where I did NOT travel solo) and her moments of self-reflection, doubt, but also the confidence of being able to step out of her comfort zone and navigate foreign countries on her own, via planes, trains, buses and on foot. That sense of accomplishment and belief in yourself is exhilarating.

Travel indeed allows us to see through a new lens, shift perspectives, realize that there are so many different ways of living this life on Earth, and ours is not necessarily the right way or the only way.

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Because travel is never very far from my mind, I’ve recently booked another trip. This time it will be a bit different from my usual solo ventures. My daughter and I will be going to Spain, flying into Madrid where we will spend a couple of nights. From there we will take the train to Malaga for four nights. We have tickets to the Davis Cup and for those of you who know me, you’ll know that I am a HUGE tennis fan. What you may not know is that I raised my daughter to also be a tennis fan. How’s that for a bit of advance planning? The poor kid had little choice as I commandeered the television and she sat beside me absorbing the action. Anyway (underhanded parental tactics aside) we will be in Malaga, hoping that Canada gets through the quarter finals and into the semis (for which we have tickets).

After Malaga, well, we have no plans. We may part ways for a few days, she will return to Canada after 10 days and I will stay on for a few more, giving me a few solo days at the end of the trip.

Like Katherine from Dare To Travel Solo, wanderlust constantly lurks within me. But what exactly is this need, and what part of me does it fulfill? Along her journey Katherine recognized in herself the need to get away, to have solo time for herself, away from the demands of everyday family life. For me, solo time is every day at home. I don’t need to leave home to find it.

But as Tracy from Travel Bug Tonic writes, anticipating travel can be almost as rewarding as the trip itself. Almost. And in Helen’s recent post, she’s pulled together some great quotes on what travel does for people like her and me and no doubt Tracy and Katherine too.

I was impressed by Katherine’s meticulous and detailed planning of each of her routes. I am a planner too, although not nearly as detailed as Katherine. This will be my fifth time in Spain (yes, I love the country, the people, the food!!) and planning a trip with someone else, even if it’s your own daughter, does require consultation and consent. It’s very different from making your own decisions on everything.

I’m out of practice on compromise. Travelling solo does that. Living solo solidifies it.

Ultimately though, when you get to be an older woman, you begin reevaluating compromise, as my friend who recently quit her job has done. Are you short-changing yourself by putting the needs of others first? And at what cost to yourself? To the dreams you had?

Sometimes we stay the course not out of strength, but from fear. The path we were on in our earlier years may not be the right path for us now. It’s okay to seek out a new one. Sometimes it’s necessary.