May Is The Month Of Hope

 

April can be a cruel month, weatherwise, with hopes of spring dashed by the occasional snowfall or ice storm. But it can be cruel in other ways too. In a previous post I mentioned the osteoporosis diagnosis. I want to reiterate here for those of you women reading this (I doubt if there are any men) that a scan for bone health is delayed (often too late) unless you are considered at risk, or specifically ask for one. It’s important to be ahead of it, to know your bone health BEFORE it begins to deteriorate.

There’s more to this health story, and I don’t want to make it into a woe-is-me sob story, but women’s health issues are often under the radar, the symptoms (or lack of) different from men. So, we must advocate for ourselves. I’ve had a bunch of routine tests lately, and while blood work has been good, an ECG revealed – I might have had a prior heart attack?

To say I was gob-smacked would be putting it lightly. I sat, stunned, in my doctor’s office. What? Me? A heart attack? I have none of those risk factors, never having smoked, I’m not overweight, I am very physically active, I eat healthy, even my desire for a glass of wine has taken a nosedive.

I was so dumbfounded, I couldn’t think of a single thing to say, or a question to ask.

The doctor looked at me and asked, “Did you hear what I just said?”

Of course, I’d heard! I just hadn’t digested it. He referred me to a heart clinic for an ECHO and stress test and then dismissed me. At least, that’s what I felt - I’d been dismissed. Fortunately, I’d already had a lunch date booked with a friend for after my doctor’s appointment. She calmed me down and talked me through it and I left the lunch feeling slightly better, but no less gob-smacked.

Was my heart letting me down? Had I been ignoring all the silent parts of my body that we take for granted when we’re young? Our heart, liver, lungs, bones, kidneys. All these things that work so quietly and miraculously together to keep us alive. We spend so much of our time obsessing over our outward appearance – our wrinkles, lines, spots, flabby arms, thighs, thickening waists, muscle definition – denigrating and admonishing our bodies, without stopping to wonder at the miracle of all of it, the vitality, the health, the wondrous brain and arteries and organs. Only as we get older or are handed a diagnosis, do we appreciate the true value of a healthy, functioning body and what a gift it is.

When I heard about my osteoporosis, I stepped up my game – in diet, supplements, doing weights in the gym, making bone broths. When I heard about my heart, I didn’t know what else I could be doing that I wasn’t already doing. So I bought an Apple Watch. Yes, you read that right. And I love my new little gadget that measures my heartbeat, is set for notifications on irregular rhythms, records my gym time, my blood oxygen levels, and my sleep, letting me know how much valuable REM and deep sleep I get each night. It also reminds me to stand every hour. What has the watch done for me? Helped me to worry less. Because knowing how your body is functioning is a step towards helping it.

I’d always thought that smartwatches were for young people, the newest toy they couldn’t do without. But really, they’re for the older generation. You can even set it to alert someone if you fall and remain immobile (I’ve set that too). This is not an ad for Apple Watch (although if it looks that way, I’d gladly accept compensation).

So that’s how my April has been. Also, between being flabbergasted during doctor’s appointments, I attended some book events, and met, in person, an online friend and writer who I’ve admired for a long time. I’ve walked and written and read, but not painted. A whole month without picking up my paintbrush. That will be remedied in May.

May is the month of Mother’s Day and family birthdays (including my own). April can be a cruel month but . . . “May is the month of expectation, the month of wishes, the month of hope.”
— Emily Brontë

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Addendum: I wrote the above yesterday. Today, I had another doctor’s appointment for the results of the ECHO and stress test at the heart clinic. All came back good, and he says I have nothing to worry about. My stress test was even above average. Relief. And also a bit of satisfaction that I was graded ‘above average’ (even though it really means, ‘for my age’), but nonetheless, that competitive streak in me is gratified.