On Integrity And Internalizing Values

 

September always seems like the true beginning of a new year. I was thinking the other morning about those first days of school, taking a picture of my daughter on her first day of kindergarten, all those mommy butterflies in my tummy.

We want so much to protect our children from the world and yet the quandary is, we have to prepare to let go of them, to send them out into that same world where there are no guarantees, no knowledge of what they might encounter. Some of it is just pure luck and happenstance. Then comes the day we send them off to university and there’s another letting go. And again, we don’t know what they might go through, but if they’re lucky, and we’re lucky, they will be okay. So much of being a parent is putting your trust not only in your child, in yourself, but also in others to do the right thing. We count on the integrity of others.

 

Someone tossed this board to the curb. I’d like to think that, rather than the reason for discarding it being updating décor and getting rid of those well-intentioned but cheesy LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE type of placards, it’s there on the curb because they’ve internalized those messages and no longer need a reminder.

What are the values we’ve internalized along the way? We are all part of our varied pasts and upbringing, but there are some values we all (or most of us) subscribe to and which are non-negotiable in our friendships and relationships. Apart from the Dream Big and Laugh out Loud type of superficial exhortations, I think the underlying message on the placard is: Be someone who others can respect and trust. Be considerate. Be genuine and kind. Be a person of integrity.

Integrity is an attribute that is often under-valued today, where we’re more impressed by drive and ambition, achievements and glory. But having integrity? What does that mean? Doing the right thing, heeding and honouring one’s moral compass in every situation.

There’s very little integrity displayed in the horrors of the news, the jostling for power and position, the personal agendas to grab that power at the expense of others (others’ lives even). But acting with integrity? Is that an old-fashioned notion? I like to think not because I see it in people I know and I’d like to believe there’s more of that in most people than greed and corruption.

So while the placard may get tossed to the curb, the values we’ve claimed for our own do not. Values that we live by. Values that are part of who we are and we need no reminders or prodding or bribes to uphold them, every day.

And what about those ingrained ones that we have decided to get rid of because they no longer serve us, or never did? Like being encouraged to be a people-pleaser (although no one can ever accuse me of that), or going along with others to keep the peace, not making waves, deferring to authority even when it makes no sense, avoiding conflict? Do we get to a point in life where we’ve sorted through what we’ve learned and acquired and want to retain and that which we can happily discard? Am I there yet? Are you?

 #livelaughdiscard #livelaughretain #livelaughevaluate