Aging Giveth and Aging Taketh Away

In one of the recent online sessions with Ageless Possibilities, we were asked to ponder the question:

“Who is the person staring back at us from the mirror as the decades roll by?” – Grace Paley.

Pondering is my middle name. I live to ponder! I wrote a bit more than what is below, but you get the drift – the mirror lies (unless we choose to look deeper), aging is a bitch, but also –

“Age has given me what I was looking for my entire life—it has given me me” – Anne Lamott.

Whether we like to admit it or not, aging is a trade-off.

I look in the mirror and who do I see? That woman is me. But she couldn’t possibly be the same woman she was at 35, 45, 55. Because so much life has happened since then, and life inevitably changes you, as it should. 

The realization there are so many less years ahead of me than behind hits like a punch to the gut. But who wants to think about diminishings and endings, when blossomings and beginnings hold so much more allure? Yet, aging giveth and aging taketh away. This is the truth we know.

Nature is kind in a way, it gives wrinkles and crevices and takes away sharp sightedness, for when we look in the mirror, peering, assessing, being critical, but perhaps also a bit self-congratulatory—I still look good!! For my age. That’s a necessary qualifier now, because who can compete with youth? Who wants to anymore? It’s a losing game. The fountain of youth has dried up, spitting out dry puffs no matter how hard one cranks the lever.

Why is that hard to accept even while knowing the gifts that aging brings? It’s a trade-off – here, have some quiet contentment, but lose the flexibility of your joints. Here’s a dose of wisdom and gratitude (a double-dose even), but, in exchange, I’ll take some density from your bones. Enjoy and savour your slow mornings, lose the stress of rushing to commuter trains, but, be aware the quickness of your steps will diminish. Because where do you need to rush to now? The urgency is gone, replaced by a different kind of tenacity: the resolve to make some meaning of this thing called life; the desire to learn to linger on this path because soon enough it will lead to that final gate, the one none of us are ready to push open.

But we know the truth: Everything ages. Everything will pass through that gate. Even that woman in the mirror. That woman is me.

***

Some books I’ve recently enjoyed:

YOU ARE HERE – DAVID NICHOLLS

Show me a book where someone sets off on a thru-hike and there is no doubt I will read it.

This book hit all the right spots in my travel/hiking-loving heart. It also brought back some memories of hiking in pouring rain, thinking WTF, why am I doing this?

Michael, divorced and not over it, somehow gets stuck hiking across the English countryside with Marnie, a Londoner, also divorced and whose interest in socializing has dwindled. How can you blame her, after losing friends to marriages and parenthood, and with the dating field being ‘daunting, exhausting, intimidating’.

A mutual friend gets them together for a group hike, which somehow morphs into a two-person hike, as the others abandon the hike to return to their daily lives.

The dialogue is superb. Funny, moving, brilliant. Loved it. Whether you love hiking or not (but especially if you do), this book will charm you.

*

BIG LIES IN A SMALL TOWN – DIANE CHAMBERLAIN

Two timelines (2018, 1940), two protagonists, one small town (Edenton, NC). Morgan (2018) recently released from prison is contracted to restore the mural created by Anna (1940), an artist commissioned to create the mural for the Edenton post office. Morgan doesn’t understand why she’s been chosen, it’s not as if she’s a famous artist or anything. But over the course of the restoration, she discovers Anna’s secrets and the reason for her assignment.

While this book didn’t blow me away, I really enjoyed it. Some of the art restoration details I found interesting, even though they went over my head, despite my claim of being an amateur (very amateur) artist.

I’m happy to find a new-to-me author and was even happier to discover this author has a long list of back titles.

*

Warning: reading this will make you crave cakes and pastries. If you’re okay with that, dive in! I listened to it on audio.

In THE SECOND CHANCE YEAR by MELISSA WIESNER, Sadie is a pastry chef who has lost her job, her apartment and her boyfriend because of her willingness to speak her mind and stand up for the underdog. At a New Years Eve party, a fortune teller gives her a chance to do over her very bad year. She accepts, re-lives the year making different decisions, and as expected, discovers some truths about herself.

This is a charming, witty, story with lots of actual and metaphorical references to baking. Think cinnamon doughnuts, lemon cake with buttercream icing, chocolate-orange layer cake with ganache. You’ll understand why I had to consume the cake and doughnuts in the picture. Not that I’m complaining. Book and desserts were both very satisfying.