BLINDSPOTS - WE ALL HAVE THEM

In a webinar on Blindspotting * by Marty Dubin, he offered up this controversial thought:

“Your strengths can become your blind spots”.

Are you the same person you were ten years ago? Most would answer no. But if you ask people close to them, they would say yes. Has our personality changed? Or our perspectives, behaviour, outlook on life, patterns of living? And can we ‘fix’ our personality?

When I contemplate my own situation, I often say (and feel) that I am not the same person I was ten, twenty years ago, or the person I was when I was married. I feel different, I think differently. But … am I the same person inside? I believe so. Because although my habits and routines and perspectives have shifted, inside, my core values and beliefs are the same.

Back to Dubin’s statement that our perceived strengths become our blind spots. How? Dubin said to think of your strengths, then add the word ‘too’ in front. So…I think I’m independent? How about ‘too independent’? Oh, that’s right, so independent that I avoid asking for help when it matters. Resilient? How about ‘too resilient’? Strong, how about ‘too strong’? Smart, how about ‘too smart’? Ouch! When I add the word ‘too’, it reveals I can indeed be blind to how my perception of my strengths affects my behaviour and attitudes towards others: how I can be impatient with those I perceive as too needy, who play the victim card too often, who are not smart enough to figure out what is so obvious to me.

You can apply the ‘too’ even to traits you might consider admirable. Patient? How about ‘too patient’ to the point of becoming subservient. Friendly? Or too friendly so that you don’t allow others their space or their input into a conversation. The idea is to consider your perceived strengths and ask yourself if your perspective might require a little adjustment rather than patting yourself on the back for them.

Dubin said there are some parts of our personalities we modify (which is why we think we are different than we were ten years ago), but there are other parts that are harder to change.

We can change our identity roles and behaviours over time. If someone previously identified primarily as being a parent, or a corporate executive, or a teacher, they can then change their patterns with new hobbies, interests and lifestyles. We then become  ‘different’ versions of who we were. But there are some characteristics that are more resistant to change and remain with us. These are: intellect, traits, emotions, and – at the heart of it all – motive. Put simply, our core values don’t change.

And when you think about it, isn’t that true?

*Note: I have not read the book, but watched the webinar, and while the book is primarily aimed at leadership, its ideas and concepts can be applied to personal understanding and growth.