VALENTINE'S DAY LOST MEMORIES

 Valentine’s Day is tomorrow but it’s a day I mostly ignore, even when I was part of a couple. Sure, there were cards and roses, dinner and chocolate, but for the most part, I think the things we did to celebrate it was partly because we felt it was expected of us, not only by each other, but by the world at large. Couples were supposed to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

How many of us can claim those experiences of Valentine days? How many of us want to?

Okay, maybe I have had a few of those in my lifetime.  A few years ago (February 2020 just before the pandemic emerged), I was writing in my journal trying to remember snippets of Valentines Days past, but, as hard as I tried, I could not recall details. Was I so oblivious to those moments? Did they not mean as much to me as they should have?

I did remember the Valentine’s Day when flowers were delivered to my office by my then boyfriend (post-divorce). But I had called in sick that day.  My co-workers signed for the flowers, placed them on my desk, oohed and aahed over them and sent me an email saying, ”You have flowers! Who are they from??”

What did it say about me that the only Valentine’s Day memory that came to mind was my absence in the presence of a loving Valentine Day gesture?  A psychologist would have a thing or two or three to say about that.

I’ve never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day. Too mushy. Too Hallmark. Too forced. It’s always better in the movies than it actually is in real life. Come to think of it, a lot of moments are like that. Surprise birthday parties, girls’ nights out, bridal showers, blind dates, vacations, and maybe even weddings. It almost always looks better, more vibrant, more exciting, more poignant on the big screen than in real life. The people are always better looking too.

Did it matter if I had no memories of Valentine Days spent opening cards, smelling roses and lingering over a candle-lit dinner?  The day had never mattered much to me. I had attached little importance to it and so I stored no memories of it.

I did remember other occasions, lingering conversations over home-cooked dinners and walks in the snow holding hands. I recalled a birthday dinner out on a deck with twinkling lights and stars overhead. I could summon up memories of sitting together quietly on a porch looking out on the water; of reading to each other snuggled on a couch in front of a fire; of being brought breakfast in bed, my coffee made just right. I remembered opening the front door and seeing flowers there for no reason at all, and a book given to me beautifully wrapped in hand-decorated brown paper.

None of those had anything to do with Valentine’s Day. They had everything to do with love.

 *

RECENTLY READ AND LOVED

THIS IS HOW IT ALWAYS IS – LAURIE FRANKEL

If ever there was an argument for reading fiction as a way to understanding others and developing empathy for those who are different, this book is it. I LOVED it.

Claude is five years old, the youngest of five brothers. He loves wearing dresses and wants, more than anything to be a girl named Poppy.  His parents want whatever makes him happy. But the world is not ready for that, and so the family keeps Poppy’s secret, until …

If you have someone in your life who is transphobic – I urge you to try and convince them to read this book. If they don’t develop empathy after reading this, then their hearts are stone, their minds are closed and I’m not sure what else you could do.

 

THREE DAYS IN JUNE – ANNE TYLER

I don’t know how Tyler can produce such a captivating book where, essentially, very little happens: the day before Gail’s daughter’s wedding, the day of the wedding, the day after. Gail loses her job, her ex comes to stay (with a cat) for the wedding, they go for a walk and lunch the day after. That’s pretty much it – and yet… there’s so much more.

I think the beauty of the story is in the way Tyler captures the depth of ordinary moments, the observations, and what is really going on underneath when Gail does something as simple as watch the cat enter her room. For a split second, she thinks it might be her ex, Max. She’s angry and then : “Anger feels so much better than sadness. Cleaner … more definite. But then when the anger fades, the sadness comes right back…”

Simple language, everyday moments, but so much emotion, meaning, laced with hits of humour.