May is for Blossoming Briefly

 

 A May smorgasbord of what I’ve been doing in the 3+ weeks since I returned from Spain:

·       Reflecting: Because I’m nothing if not analytical, of course I’ve been pondering my trip, what worked, what I would have done differently, what I felt and experienced while gone. I was telling a couple of friends about the ‘insider/outsider’ experience, more so this time because I was in one place (Valencia) for a while (16 nights) and really wanted to feel that despite being a turista,  I was a slow traveller, one who was taking the time to get to know a place. I wrote in a previous post about a passing jogger calling out “Afuera” to me, clearly labelling me an outsider who didn’t know the path was for joggers and not walkers.

      But, on the day I was leaving Valencia, when emerging from the metro and heading to Valencia’s Joaquim Sorolla station to catch a train to Cuenca, google maps left me confused, and construction obscured the view of the train station. I stopped a young woman passing by, and asked, “Disculpe, donde esta la estacion de tren?”

She shook her head and said, “En Ingles.” And just like that, I felt like a seasoned traveller, mistaken for a local, someone gingerly stepping in from the outside.

·       Reading: See below for a couple of recent reads by Canadian authors I want to highlight. Right now, along with a couple of non-fiction books, I’m reading UNSHELTERED by Barbara Kingsolver. I first discovered Kingsolver many, many years ago when I picked up The Poisonwood Bible (I still have it on my shelf) and fell in love with it and Kingsolver’s writing. I then went on to read several more of her books, then forgot about her (until Demon Copperhead, which I’ve yet to read). But now, with Unsheltered (book club reading), I am again reminded of Kingsolver’s exquisite way with words. This one has two timelines, a couple of centuries apart, and even though the modern timeline is 2016, the social and political commentary are relevant today (Kingsolver refers to The Bullhorn running for presidency).  Two families, living in the same house, centuries apart. This may not land as my favourite Kingsolver novel, but I love her understanding of the world and her passion for the environment and all the nuances of what ‘shelter’ means to humans.

·       Watching: I started watching Sullivan’s Crossing and got sucked into the story (big city Boston doctor returns to absent father in her small hometown in Nova Scotia, and meets another big towner – a New Yorker – escaping his predictable lawyerly life). Family dramas, no matter how stereotypical are always interesting to me with the layers that eventually and inevitably bubble to the surface. I also liked the Indigenous perspectives and rituals worked into the story and adored the elder, Frank, who has such a serene, calming presence. Probably my favourite person in the series.

I also watched the movie Remarkably Bright Creatures (didn’t read the book) and loved it – family, found family, and a very intelligent octopus. I’ve seen other shows depicting what intelligent creatures octopuses are … and yet … I am ashamed to admit, it didn’t stop me from consuming pulpo in Spain.

·       Painting: yes, I’m happily back in my painting groove, both watercolours and acrylics. I started another short series of in-person watercolour classes at the local community centre this month, and there’s something wonderful about painting quietly in a room filled with women doing the same thing: absorbed, flexing our creative muscles, taking enormous pleasure when something emerges that both surprises and delights us.

·       Reconnecting: It’s been a busy three weeks since I’ve been home, catching up with friends, tennis, pickle ball, writing group, with more lunches and dinners to come. Mother’s Day came and went and my daughter was here to take me to dinner and spend the night. May is also birthday month in the family (mine, my brother’s, my mother’s – now departed). Several more meet ups planned this month, and I am looking forward to each one of them, including two trips into the big city.

·       Writing: This is not going quite according to plan, the editing process has been slow.

·       Listening: I was listening to Brené Brown and Adam Grant discussing what’s really going on when people preface a sentence with: “Not to be rude, but…”, “I don’t want to be critical, but..”.  According to Brown, this is when people give themselves permission to be rude/critical/mean but don’t want to be held accountable for it and want you to absolve them. What they’re about to say after the ‘but’ is definitely going to be rude.

It reminded me of a conversation I had with a couple of online friends around honesty and authenticity. The word ‘authenticity’ is popular these days, often tossed around as a self-proclaimed virtue. But, as we were discussing, what does it actually mean to be ‘authentic’ to be ‘honest’? Does it give you a free pass to be rude? Honesty can sometimes be used as a weapon, criticizing others, putting them down, under the guise of “I’m just being honest”. And being authentic? Does that mean being the same person, being ‘yourself’ regardless of the social situation?

I’m not the same person in each social context. It depends on what the situation calls for. With some people, you need to be the listener, with others you need to measure your words; there are those with whom you can let your guard down, knowing you won’t be judged or misunderstood; those with whom you need to be diplomatic. 

Does that mean I’m not being authentic?  I think it means I’m trying to understand the mood, the company, the cues, and adjusting my behaviour and words accordingly. Society puts a lot of emphasis on ‘just be yourself’, too much in fact on ‘self’ to the exclusion of what it means to fine-tune your responses to others around you, to be cognizant of how your actions and words affect others. Who among us has not been on the receiving (or giving) end of a sharp barb, followed by a quick, ‘Sorry, just being honest’, as if that is an absolution. This, I think, is what Brown & Grant were talking about. In my opinion (and feel free to disagree), authenticity is far more than just being yourself; it is making decisions about our actions that reflect our integrity and values. Okay, climbing off my soap box now!

And how is your May going?

RECENT READS

DEFINITELY THRIVING – KERRY CLARE

Full disclosure: I am a huge admirer and fan of Kerry Clare, not just as a writer and blogger, but as an all-round fabulous human being and literary citizen.

Her latest book (my favourite of her books – so far), is about how Clemence, after blowing up her marriage, tries to create a new life for herself back in her hometown of Toronto, despite her family and friends’ “preconceived notions of how a woman’s life should go”.

You don’t have to agree with all of Clemence’s decisions – I certainly didn’t, I mean why was she immediately getting herself into another ‘unsuitable attachment’? But that is the beauty and subtlety of this book, along with humour and banter, as Clemence “measures out her days in tea bags” and takes umbrage against how “Women’s Fiction” is catalogued in her neighbourhood bookstore: the book makes you examine your own subtle internal biases and preconceived notions.

THE WE’RE STILL HERE BOOK CLUB – (Elbows Up) – JEFF RICHARDSON

FriesenPress. Satirical fiction.

Aging members of a book club in small town Brockton (think Niagara-on-the-Lake) find themselves in the midst of a Canada-USA political crisis when a red baseball hat (yes, with those four letters) of a visiting American visitor goes missing, and the President himself goes apoplectic (no surprise there!), and threatens sanctions, tariffs, even invasion.

Sound familiar? But …this is fiction and hilarious satirical fiction, and I’m not just saying that because Jeff is married to my first cousin.

Don’t let the wit and humour, the patriotism and sharp writing, of this ‘Hatgate’ tale fool you into thinking that’s all there is to this book. Deftly interspersed into the novel are bits of Canadian history and the underlying threads and sentiment of what it is to be Canadian.