LOOKING INTO THE GLASS

In a recent discussion with my Seasoned Voices blogging group, we talked about how our beauty and self-care routines have changed and evolved as we age, and then the topic veered to procedures and our take on that.

One of the wonderful things about belonging to a group like this is the discussions we have. I mentioned that I remembered reading a Substack article that mirrored some of my own feelings on where the beauty industry is headed: convincing younger and younger women (girls really!) that they need all kinds of products and interventions. And, as women, we’re not supposed to voice an opinion on another’s choices, but simply cheer them on, whatever their decision, be it injecting poisonous substances into themselves or undergoing cosmetic surgery. Choice is what it’s about.

I’m all for women choosing what they do with their bodies and won’t criticize women for doing so. But the questions I would ask are: Why? What makes them feel they need to do this?

By solely focusing on applauding choice and not daring to voice a question or opinion, we are allowing the pervasiveness of the beauty industry (and the patriarchy) to spread and envelop young girls. Imagine thinking you need retinol in your twenties! We are allowing them to continue to set beauty standards for women, to tell us we need to ‘fix’ our wrinkles to feel good about ourselves.

Yes, we want women to choose what they do with their bodies, in the name of self-care or confidence or feeling good about oneself but at least let’s have the conversation about why we make the choices we make. Why are women in their 30’s opting for botox and cosmetic surgery? What is behind this? Why are 10-year-olds performing nightly skin-care routines? I barely washed my face when I was ten.

I do have an opinion on these things, and it’s not simply, “Good for you!” I want to know what is underneath those decisions. I do think it’s unnecessary for 30-year-olds to plump up lips and non-existent lines and inject botox. If a 65-year-old wanted some lines to be filled out for a special occasion or to look ‘fresher’, I could understand that. She’s likely not going to make a habit of it. But a 30-something still has a good 50-60 years ahead of her, and is she going to keep injecting fillers into herself for all that time? What are the health implications? And what message does this send to young girls, who are watching and imitating? It may be individual choice, but when it becomes just something one does because everyone else is doing it, then it becomes a societal thing, something bigger, something that sends a message to young children. Our individual choices in this context matter.

Yes, I’m all for women wanting to look good and feel good. I do too. But let’s not stand back and think our individual choices and behaviour don’t rate a conversation. Let’s not shut that down.

My own beauty routines have changed over the years. At one time, I used a separate day cream, a different night cream, each with its own empty promise. Now I’ve simplified that – one cream will do, if it’s nighttime here, it’s daytime somewhere else. I do use a serum, although when I run out, I will often go for weeks without one. One thing I do religiously – clean my face at night. I get the occasional facial now and have recently started using Korean products which I like and may stick with, but I’m fickle when it comes to skin creams. No brand has me swearing loyalty to it.

Over the years, I’ve used inexpensive drug store products and more expensive salon ones (and really, there’s little difference except in price). I now use a sunscreen daily (didn’t for many years and regret it). I’ve never considered botox and won’t. I realize when it comes to self-care routines, I’m someone who likes to keep things to a minimum, because I find the time involved tedious. I resent time spent sitting in a hair salon or getting a pedicure, or even in front of a mirror cleaning and patting down my face. I don’t know why I’m like this, or maybe I do. I want the results, but don’t want to put in the time, time I’d rather spend lying in bed reading. It’s just who I am: hurrying through monotonous routines so I can get to the real living.

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WHISTLER – ANN PATCHETT

Daphne runs into her stepfather, Eddie, after 44 years. She hasn’t seen him since she was 9, and although he was in their lives for only a couple of years, the bond and love between them was strong.

I did have a minor quibble: the instant rapport and affection between Daphne (now an adult) and Eddie given the long absence, and, by Daphne’s admission, she hadn’t thought about him in all those intervening years.

But I got over this after the backstory developed, because “childhood never leaves us. We seal the room up and cover it in sheetrock….and sooner or later someone always winds up tapping on the wall. …and then the whole thing comes tumbling down.”

This is a story about that, about how Eddie’s ‘case for human decency’ informed Daphne’s life. “I believed him, and by believing him, I had found it to be true.”

Patchett has a beautiful way of telling a story, drawing us in so that we want it to go on forever.