Who Do You Think You Are?

What does it mean when you make yourself vulnerable to the world, put your creation out there, and immediately you get flattened by a virus? As if the universe is saying: Who do you think you are? Get back into your cave!

Of course, those two events have no connection - do they? But the world works in mysterious ways. No sooner had I announced my book, tentatively put it out there with a little bit of pride and a lot of trepidation, than I was whacked. Hard. I woke up two days later feeling like I’d been run over by a truck, which then reversed and crushed me again. Just to make sure.

I’d stupidly delayed getting my flu shot, but it was only the beginning of November, I told myself, plenty of time. I was wrong. It’s a flu virus like I’ve never experienced before, body aches, loss of appetite, weakness, but the worst part being an unrelenting vice-grip on my head, which made it impossible to read. I’ve not read a page in a book since the beginning of the month! I tried an audio book but couldn’t focus. So, I lay prone on the couch, a cool compress over my eyes, CBC news in the background. And there was, hallelujah, good news with the midterm elections! One bright spot.

Once I was able to prop myself up I watched endless episodes of UNFORGETTABLE on Netflix. It’s a detective show with a sassy female detective who has a photographic mind, which leads to solving the case. I love sassy female main characters. And this one works with a Lieutenant she once dated, adding some chemistry and tension. But I watched so many episodes, I was beginning to see the pattern, and as they went to interview a suspect, I’d call out, “You’re going to find him dead.” Many times I was right. That was the extent of my mental stimulation.

Okay, enough woe-is-me because of course there’s always someone else in a worse situation. But when you’re older, you do feel more vulnerable when a health issue arises. You’re hit harder, slower to recover, and the realization dawns that the “normal” you return to after this episode passes (and it will) may not be the same as the one before. There might be a “new normal” for you to adjust to.

Getting older has many advantages which I’ve talked about before – freedom, independence, less caring about what others think. But it also has many vulnerabilities.

In her recent blog post, Helen wrote about how her recent successful knee surgery has made her focus less on limitations and more on what lies ahead.

While I was shuffling from bed to couch like a 95-year-old, I had a hard time focusing on what lay ahead. Eleven days later, the light is starting to look a wee bit brighter. A month from now? I may even break out the Christmas decorations. People who know me know I’m a bit bah-humbug when it comes to Christmas décor. After all, what goes up, must come down.

And next year, as soon as the flu shot is available, I’ll be the first one there with my arm out.