Dust Bunnies, Guilt, And Procrastination

 

There comes a time when one can no longer ignore the dust bunnies happily multiplying in the corners. The day finally arrived. All my arguments for procrastinating this odious task could no longer hold water. I hauled out the vacuum cleaner and cleaning supplies.

What finally did it was guilt. Not guilt that I was ignoring domestic chores, there’s no guilt in that. But guilt that I had come up short on another commitment. I thought I was done with feeling guilty about social obligations. Apparently not. The social etiquette on which we are raised have deep roots.

I was all set to go to a celebratory lunch across town, gift wrapped (okay, not wrapped but in a gift bag) and waiting by the door. But Saturday morning brought thickly falling snow outside my window and slick, white-covered roads. Checking the forecast, I saw my end of town was scheduled to clear by early afternoon, but T.O. had a weather advisory and I had to drive clear across and further up. I’m not a fan of winter driving. So, I sent an apology and backed out. Before you judge me (and perhaps you already have), this lunch was part of a big group, not hosted by a close family member or friend, and I surmised that I would barely even be missed. My presence was insignificant.

But…the guilt, because I had committed. And so, as a form of punishment to myself I suppose, I looked at the smiling dust bunnies and decided on penance in the form of cleaning.

While cleaning, I thought about all the other things I procrastinate on. I’m very good at procrastinating. It’s one of my finely-honed skills. But why do we do it? Do we procrastinate only on chores that are tedious, and if so, is there a difference between delaying vacuuming or doing your taxes?  (I’ve procrastinated on both). Or do we avoid making choices because it will put us in a situation that could ignite some old fears? Do we hum and haw and hesitate on decisions that might firmly propel us in one direction while forsaking another? Not choosing is also choosing. To do nothing.

More and more (is it an age thing?), I find that when faced with choices of what to do or where to go, I want to choose carefully. I ask myself: to what do I want to give my time and energy? Yes, it must be an age thing because we become increasingly aware of the finiteness of time. Of course, posing this question to myself also allows me to ignore many things that are ‘good for me’, going to the gym being one of them. I give it some thought; I know all about maintaining muscle mass as one ages yadda yadda, but the question remains: do I want to spend hours of my life every week in a gym? The answer is a resounding no.  I have all kinds of arguments for this if you’re interested, not the least of which being, I’m active enough anyway with walks and swims and tennis. There’s rarely a day goes by that doesn’t include some form of physical movement (Cleaning counts!). And I have a couple of five-pound weights at home that I flip around every now and then and feel very proud of myself for doing so.

Anyway, back to the guilt-induced cleaning. There is a happy ending: I have a nice clean house. And I can go back to ignoring those pesky dust bunnies for a while. The gift will be sent in the mail.