Current State of Mind: Grey

 

Despair:  over humanity and the atrocities we can inflict upon each other, upon innocent children.

Disheartened:  over the divisiveness that prevails. If one asks for humanity, then one is called out for being anti something else, or of being ignorant of the facts and history. If one says nothing, one is deemed insensitive. Everybody talking, shouting over each other, no one listening. Everyone convinced of the ‘rightness’ of their words and viewpoints. And meanwhile, children are either dying or condemned to a lifetime of post-war trauma.

Horrified:  over how a world can watch a war that is raging on innocent civilians. Self-defense is the act of protecting oneself. But, for how long and by what barbaric means?  Does a heinous act justify more brutality?

Sadness:  over the tragedy on each side, the hostages, the families, the man from Gaza who was interviewed on CBC and who said he regrets bringing children into the world, into Gaza, because he cannot protect them. Those were some of the saddest words I’d heard in all this. An anguished parent regretting having children because he has committed them to an ugly, unsafe, horrific world of fear and suffering.

Confusion:  over any reasoning that says a terrorist group can be annihilated this way; that this will not spawn anger and hatred and more violence in future generations. Violence begets violence. Where does it end?

Dejection: over our online behaviour - words are bandied about, emotions stoked, arrows flung, slurs hurled, history distilled to favour one viewpoint or the other. There’s nothing to be gained by berating people online, reprimanding them for pleading for humanity. Nothing to be gained by belittling them, or asking, “But, where were you when...?” It only creates greater divides. People are witnessing what is on the news 24/7 and are responding to it, asking for the horrors to stop.

I have been reading up on and listening to various viewpoints from reputable sources, learning about the history of the situation (although I’ve known some of it, but not all of it, for a very long time, having grown up in the region). I’ve been wondering what my father would say if he were alive today. I know he would be outraged by the suffering.

Hope? Is there even room for hope in all of this?

On a recent podcast they spoke about the ‘joy in working together’ no matter what else is going on. That there is joy to be found even in despair, because there is meaningful work in helping other human beings. That we should not be afraid of despair, but become ‘locally focused’ if we cannot do anything about the destruction that is happening miles away. That what we must do is awaken our own creativity, generosity, and create small islands of sanity when we cannot stop the insanity that is occurring elsewhere.

“it is a serious thing

just to be alive

on this fresh morning

in the broken world.

I beg of you,

do not walk by

without pausing

to attend to this...”  Mary Oliver, Invitation

Even if what you attend to is some tiny but wondrous thing in the small corner of your world.

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