Flow and Survival

 

Like many of you, I began the year contemplating where to put my focus. Less scrolling online, more in-depth engagement. I’ve done ‘word of the year’ a couple of times in the past, but they’ve never stuck with me. In the last couple of weeks, I’ve had a phrase rattling around in my brain: ‘seek the flow’, likely inspired by the book, Stolen Focus, I wrote about in my previous post.

I know those things that get me in the flow (painting, reading, writing, walking). But what I want to do is go deeper into it, that flow. And once I’m there, to take it slow. I’m not one for making resolutions, but I do try to set some intentions and make plans, although I don’t hold myself steadfastly to them.

But this year I want to go deeper into the things that bring me flow. I want to get there and STAY there, without distracting myself.

Take Walking: I often listen to podcasts as I walk. I began doing this about a year or more into the pandemic, but for all of 2020 and part of 2021, I used to go for long walks with no one’s voice in my head except my own. I allowed my thoughts to wander, and all manner of ideas and contemplations floated in. When did I get out of the habit of listening to my thoughts as I walked?

I know there are those who avoid silence, afraid of being alone with their thoughts. But I’m not one of those people, and yet, I’ve allowed external voices and opinions, images and arguments, space in my head, rent free. Yes, I want to be informed, but I’d like to be more selective, not only about the WHAT I consume, but about the WHEN as well.

Sunday afternoon I took a long walk, without plugging into a podcast. It was snowing lightly as I walked the trails near my home. I thought about my writing project, one of the characters taking shape in my mind. Thinking about another group assignment, I remembered snippets, smells, and sights from my childhood.

As I turned a corner, a big black squirrel and a smaller brownish/grey one (or it may have been a chipmunk) dashed across my path. A big bird (an owl or hawk) swooshed down, flapping its wings frantically and zoomed towards the tiny squirrel. The little creature ran towards the base of a tree, the bird chasing it. It darted up the tree; the bird circled and swooped, then flew off. I stood there watching. For a full five minutes after the aborted attack, the squirrel squeaked and chattered high up on a branch, shaken and scared, having narrowly escaped the talons of death.

I was happy for it. BUT … part of me was also hoping the bird would return and finish off the job! Why? Why did I want to see such a gruesome sight, a piteous end for the squirrel but a victory (and dinner) for the bird? Was it solely for my entertainment? Was it wrong to align myself with one creature and not the other? This was nature. No winners, no losers, just survival of the fittest and the fastest.

None of this has anything to do with what I began this blog post with – the desire to go deeper into the flow and reduce (if not entirely eliminate) external distractions. But for those few minutes while I stood and watched the unfolding drama (I did not take a picture of it), I was engaged and in the flow, without the need to capture it for later, but simply observe, and question my desire for something dramatic and showy. 

Was this what we did online? Seek and portray something eye-catching, guaranteed to garner attention?

The bird and squirrel were in flow too, although their stakes were higher.